Odds are if you are reading this you are super frustrated with the state of your natural hair. You are tired of the extreme dryness, the breakage and how time consuming your hair has become. What if I told you, you had every right to feel this way?
The truth is relaxed hair in comparison to natural hair is lower maintenance in many respects.
Especially if you are a natural with a kinky-coily hair type you are more likely to agree that your relaxed hair was less work. It takes less time to detangle, on wash day you won’t consume all of your conditioner, styling doesn’t take nearly as long and tangling rarely if ever happens.
See my post: The 4C Hair Struggle is Real, I’ve Been There and I Understand
Hair is great, but no one wants hair to take over their lives.
We have lives outside of hair, we have work, school, kids, significant others, friends, family, social gatherings and overall just more important things to deal with. So it seems like going back to relaxed hair would be the simple solution, right?
It really all depends. I have seen many of relaxed hair bloggers and YouTubers with long healthy relaxed hair so obviously it isn’t impossible to have long healthy relaxed hair. However, many of you (not all) made the change in the first place because your hair wasn’t in the healthiest state. I know some people may have had long healthy relaxed hair and just wanted to try embracing your natural, but many of you are a part of #teamnatural now because you noticed a problem. I must admit the styling and maintenance of my relaxed hair was easier, but I was also working with less hair as well.
This article is not meant to throw shade at relaxed ladies or discourage you from getting a relaxer if that’s what you really want. It is meant to give you information so you can make your own decision, so take from it what you will.
If you are going through some tough times with your hair, I know it may not seem like it, but relaxed hair is weaker than natural hair because of the chemical process used to break down the protein bonds.
If your goal is long hair, then relaxed hair may still include some maintenance
When you are relaxed if your goal is longer hair the same practices that are used to grow natural hair apply. You should moisturize daily, use heat very sparingly, and protective styles are still a good idea. Sound familiar?
If you hair is relaxed or permanently colored protein treatments are no longer optional they are a necessity and you should deep condition more often.
You know why? Afro-textured hair is afro-textured hair regardless if it is chemically processed or not, so the same care for length retention is required.
Now if your goal isn’t length, this may not be of concern to you. However, if it is you can go back to relaxed hair and essentially be back where you started. Of course there are exceptions to the rule and some women do not have to work as hard to have long healthy relaxed hair, but for many of us this just isn’t so.
Styling will be easier for most people, without a doubt.
There are things that you can do to simplify natural hair styling: like sticking to an easy go to style like a puff, a hair bun or a simple crown braid.
However, if those styles are not to your liking and you more so prefer something like a perm rod set or a more sleek look then wash day will not be a 1-2-3 type of deal.
Often times those who have a coily texture may desire more defined curls which is doable but requires a lot of work to manipulate your hair to look this way.
If you do still desire to continue on your natural hair journey here are some suggestions to make it less stressful:
- Pick easy styles that don’t require a lot of effort to do (hair buns, low or high hair puffs, a crown braid, two-strand twists).
- Choose styles that will last you a week or more.
- Make sure you still have a regular trim schedule, hair with bad split ends is hard to style and hard to work with.
- Style your hair when you have a product with slip in it and always use the right tools
Its funny you wrote this article because i recently was thinking maybe i should go back to relaxed. I’m a working wife & mom & my time is limited. I feel being natural is better for my hair but time…any advice?
I definitely feel you and understand where you are coming from. My suggestion to make your hair easier to manage would be to do stretched styles like the ones in our Stretched Styling Series found here: http://naturalandproud.com/category/stretched-styling/ If your hair is in good condition you can try flat iron styles just take the the steps necessary to protect your hair from heat damage. Perhaps even just blowing out your hair will help, the more stretched your hair is you will find it easier to work wits, and the less tangles you will have. I am not sure how the weather is where you are now, but if it is cold I would take advantage of stretched styles. During warmer weather you can try methods like the Max Hydration Method (which is a wash n go style) http://naturalandproud.com/2014/11/14/the-max-hydration-method/ you can also do this in the winter (but I just prefer not to), plus I will forewarn you although Max Hydration method produces great results, it is time consuming in the beginning.
I stopped relaxing my hair because I was tired of the up keep. I hate salons and people touching my hair. I have not blow dried my hair in 3 yrs. I haven’t flatironed in 6 months. I like washing and going. I don’t care what others think or feel in regards to my hair. I prefer the low maintenance of my natural hair. When I went natural last year, i struggled with find the right products. So I resumed relaxing. Now I”ve found something I like and I’m not looking back.
Yes, finding that holy grail product is a must! I feel like I have tried some of the other brands that other sites mention and while they may have worked for them, for me it was a total fail. Now that I have found my favorite products, it definitely helps me to keep more control over how my hair behaves.
OMG, this article is right on time!
My hair grows pretty fast so I can grow long relaxed hair but I’ve received many more compliments on my ‘fro than I ever did with straight tresses.
I have 4a hair that I dyed blonde around 6 months ago. The stylist who died my hair said I couldn’t relax the new blonde hair. My hair has grown out some so I have the dark root look (which I like) but my hair on the ends has become extremely dry and tangled (partially because the blonde loosened my curl pattern, which one would think would make things easier but it doesn’t). Then I flat ironed my hair and the a few strands in the front won’t revert back to curly so I have to use pinning styles (which I’ve found some cute ones) but I’m VERY annoyed by the straight area.
ANYWAYS, I’ve been thinking about chopping the blonde and relaxing the rest & I actually made an appt to do so. I ended up walking past a salon earlier the same day and they waved me to come inside. The stylist detangled and deep conditioned my hair and a feel like a NEW WOMAN. It’s back to being fly in it’s NATURAL STATE. The stylist said to come in for DEEP CONDITIONING AND DETANGLING EVERY 2 WEEKS and this would tame my ‘fro.
I live in Portland, Oregon where it rains all the time so having natural hair is more convenient because I’d probably have my hair pulled back into a ponytail or in a weave/protective style if I had a RELAXER. I can definitely relate to using up conditioner fast. I use “Wen” and “Carol’s Daughter” and “Mixed Chicks” and I just buy these products even if I don’t need them because I know in a few days I will…lol
Its funny that I’ve been receiving emails from this site for a while and never read until now, this topic is just perfect for how very tired I have become with my natural hair. I spent 3 hours twisting my hair last night, doing all of steps.( according to YouTube) I have 4c hair and NOTHING works on my hair. It will be 3 years June 28th since my first BC. I can’t figure out my hairs problem.. I’m really trying not to go back to crack… Any helpful tips would be greatly appreciated
Very nice article and at a very good time for me. I decided to transition because of a problem and I had been overcoming it fast (thin, scanty edges). But there is a shortcoming right now and that is the gray hairs (inherited) had it since my teenage years but now (late 30s), it is overgrowing my head so fast. When my hair was relaxed, it was so hidden and unnoticeable but with my natural state, it can be highly embarrassing for me even DH complains about it. What do you advise I do? Will hair dye do the job? How long do I carry hair dye before it fades?
stop using an excuse to go back to the creamy crack if you want to do it, but dont say natural hair is hard work cause it aint
I’ve been natural well over 7 years and yes it is!
Thank you Danielle! It may not be hard for some but everyone is different. My hair is short and its a pain and VERY, no EXTREMELY time consuming and I don’t like wearing an afro everyday. I work hard everyday and the last thing I want to do when I get home is stand in the mirror and twist or coil my entire head. Thanks, but no thanks! To each his own but we have to know what works for us. Please don’t make us feel some kind of way because we choose creamy crack. I know many woman who wear their hair in its natural state and it looks unhealthy, dry and brittle. And, because some wear protective styles all the time, the hair has broke off and again, doesn’t look healthy at all. That’s all I’m saying.
I’ve been natural for 10 years and for much of the time I’ve had locs. My type 4 hair is fine when short but when it starts to reach mid length then it becomes work work work…hard work. I am thinking of going back to locs. I don’t want a relaxer just healthy hair.
I have been natural for 4 years and yes it is hard work. the style you have when you leave the house is never the style you have when you return. If I want straight hair it will never be straight once I leave the house and the fresh air touches it. And the time it takes to style it is insane only for it to change throughout the day. As you can tell I am frustrated.
Was natural for 15 years which included dreads that were lost to chemo and low cut after that. Started letting hair grow out for a change. The longer it grew and I tried different styles and products. $. I realized I did not have a curl pattern. Wash day became the entire weekend as I chose not to use heat. I dreaded those days. Two months ago I relaxed still no heat. The stylist used 3 mild relaxed so it’s not bone straight which I am happy about. Although I still have to do much of what I used to do my regimen can be completed in the same day. My hair had grown past my shoulders. As of today I am happy with my decision and am truly happy for those naturalists who have found regimens that work for them. I wish I had.
Going back to relaxer because I want to get a pixi cut any other suggestions for that look. I feel as if I sweat it would curl back up (without a relaxer)
Good for you girl
It’s always that one negative Nancy making someone’s concerns feel invalid. Natural hair can DEFINITELY be a LOT of work, especially for sisters with a thick head of koily hair like mine. I feel like the going back to natural movement was/is less about relaxed vs natural but more about embracing and being proud in our natural textures in a society that can say it’s unacceptable. With that being said its YOUR hair, no one enjoys taking hours or the whole weekend (whoa!) to do their hair so if relaxer, texturizer, or natural works best for you to live your LIFE and not be constrained by hair..girl do it! Cuz I wouldn’t hesitate & if you decide you don’t want it relaxed anymore again..wa lah! you can go back natural lol
Thank you Queen. You rock! I appreciate your speaking out and sharing your thoughts on this. And you are right, its not the end of the world, and if I don’t like it after I relax it or I decide to change it, I can always go natural again. It’s just hair!
I just want to say that I have had a relaxer for about 12 years, and I will never touch them ever again in my life. Currently I am transitioning 15 months post relaxer. Before that I took care of my 6 year old’s type 4 hair. I guess taking care of her hair has give me the practice, patience, and knowledge I need for my own hair because I don’t have a problem taking care of our hair. I found something that works for her: weekly co washing, deep conditioning/hot oil treatment rotations, protein treatments when needed, and stretching 99% of the time. I do the same but I style mine with twist outs, bantu knot outs, roller sets, and buns. It doesn’t take all day on wash day 1 hour for her, and 3 hours for me (I take the longest mostly because my relaxed ends give me so much trouble, and also I can’t help but admire my emerging curl pattern lol). Relaxers made me completely bald on both sides of my hairline. I suffered chemical burns at every touch up (even if I didn’t scratch). My relaxed hair grew to BSL, but it was very unhealthy, brittle, thin, and uneven. I love how versatile natural hair is. Any style I want to achieve is within grasp, and my hair is unique to me. At the end of the day, do what makes you happy and feel beautiful. You only get one life to live so enjoy it.
You follow the same routine for your hair as you transition, and I’d like to ask if you could tell me when and why you do the deep conditioning and everything inbetween. I’m only fourteen, and I had been relaxed for two years, I’d like to understand what I should do to get healthy hair.
I have been natural for 3 years. I didn’t have to do the BC because I was wearing a short style. I have tried all types of products and styles on my 4c hair including box braids and senegelese twist. The braids are ok, but over time they can become damaging. When my hair is in it’s natural state nothing seems to work. The afro only looks good the day I get it cut. One of the reasons I went natural was because of thinning at the top and edges. But I am at the point of frustration. I get irritated at the comments you should try this or that, what they fail to understand is I’ve tried what’s being suggested but my 4c hair isn’t cooperating. Yes, I am seriously thinking about getting another relaxer and wearing a short style again.
I am really conflicted!!
Hi,
I too am at the same point of frustration. I have not been natural but a little over a year and half. I love my natural hair and it is growing very fast however, it consumes my entire weekend. Also, since the shrinkage is so real….my styles are very limited….its very frustrating. 🙁
Ladies, I feel your pain and have been unhappy and frustrated. This is not the way its supposed to be and it doesn’t help when you have individuals who make you feel guilty or bad about not embracing your natural hair/look. Well I must do what is going to make me happy and what is best for me so-to-speak. I have learned a great deal wearing my hair natural including products and tips and tricks for keeping it moisturized. I am going to use those same concepts on my texlaxed hair making sure I only process it 80%, not overprocessing it, and touchups 12 weeks or more. Additionally, I will need to find someone who will only touch up the ‘new growth’ and not my entire head which has been tough to do. Thanks ladies!
I am so glad i came across this article…it help me a lil more than i needed. I BC for the sixth time Jan.2016, I’m in LOVE with natural but not MY Hair type, so i texlaxed or texturized EVERY time..and LOVE the result soo much. My MAIN reason for going back and forth to natural is because i just wanted a simple EVERYDAY morning and evening hair routine, but it bring me Back to the same thing, as the hair grows it get thicker….and more time is add to do the hair and with texlaxed/relaxed hair time is not so consuming..I’m not a hair person,i just want to MOISTURIZED and GO all under thirty min or less. So I’ve gone natural for the last time, being natural is NOT the way for less time, especially for a 5a.m job..Think I’m gonna have to stay TEXLAXED.
Thank you for your feedback. I was in between decisions on whether or not to go back to relaxed and I think my decision has been made. I have been spending way too much time in the mornings and more money than what I’ve wanted to on products. I’ve becomed consumed with my hair and I’m not happy about it so I’ve decided to texlax or texturize it. T hanks again.
I’ve worn my own natural hair for about 6 years now. I transitioned from relaxed hair then. I wear wigs with my Natural hair in braids and or twists when I get bored with wearing the same style. It is short but growing out longer. I’m not getting it cut so much and I’m taking biotin and drinking a lot of water. My problem is dryness. I’ve been having my hair colored due to the gray. My beautician recommends using a humidifier in my home and drinking more water. I also will invest in a hair steamer and continue using a protein conditioner every two weeks instead of once a month, like previously.
I went natural because of shedding hair, but as a natural it seems I shed even more hair. I have 4B hair and I am extremely tender headed. I died my hair now for graying reasons. Everytime I do my hair it takes all day. I am not a person who takes a lot of time with hair, so I find my self wearing styles that may pull breaking off the hair even more. I have already begun looking into salons to relax and cut the hair. In my house is very product that exist, and I am just tired of looking at this huge fro sitting on my table instead of being in my hair (fro every time I do my hair).
I struggled with dryness until I realized that natural black hair, or at least my hair needed WAY more moisture than I was thinking. I ADDITION to what you’re already doing, Try this: mix olive oil (or other essential oil) and a leave in conditioner in a tipped bottle and just DRENCH your braids/twists under your wig. To the point of total saturation. Do it 2-3 times a week. During the super dry winter months I even did it every day. My dryness issue disappeared. My hair began to grow rapidly. It was a major epiphany moment for me and I wish I could SCREAM to all the natural ladies that we are NOT ADDING ENOUGH MOISTURE TO OUR HAIR and that is why we have damaged, dry brittle hair that we have to continuously cut and can’t retain the length. My hair was a notch above my shoulders; now it is currently below my bra strap. Please try this! I’m telling you your hair will greatly appreciate it 🙂
I have already texlaxed my hair and am loving it! The volume of my hair is the same as the one I had on my blown out natural hair ( I had it for two years).
Being a Muslim, I couldn’t wear a wig as protective style, nor could I rock the big fro due to my hijab. I was always having headache for pulling my hair tight into a bun.
I however, don’t regret ever going natural because it had taught me things about my hair I otherwise wouldn’t have known.
My hair is now easier to manage and have grown longer. In the last seven months I used a relaxer on my hair, I haven’t used heat once! As opposed to when I was natural, I was always running to the saloon (monthly), but now I find caring for a texlaxed hair is easy.
I still do all the things I did to my natural hair (sans heat ofcourse).
I loathe relaxed hair for myself. I’ve seen it work out for others, but not for me. I’ve also seen it NOT work out for people, other than myself.
For me (and some others), my relaxed hair was dry and sparse. Long strands were just that…STRANDS with no volume or life. The hair looked contrived…like it was trying to be something it was not. For me, I was like: I can have relaxed hair that looks bad, or natural hair that might look bad, but at least it is not contrived. I went for the latter. For me it was pathetic to turn to chemicals, to break down the natural structure of my hair, to make it something it was not, and the result was not even better….just different. With relaxed hair, it was a never ending cycle of: Dealing with new growth, and getting touch ups, and dealing with the contrast between the natural growth and the still relaxed ends….arrrrgggg it was just short of torture.
With natural hair, I have more versatility. I can opt to have it blown out and/or flat ironed and mimic the look of relaxed hair if I want. Or just leave it curly, or naturally stretch it for that in-between look. And my hair looks full and the length is genuine and not contrived.
4 years ago I did the big chop. I wore wigs and braids until hair grew out. Right now my hair is long enough to wear in a ponytail, and that is how I wear it. I’m contemplating going back to relaxing, because natural hair is a lot of work