Back in 2008 when I decided to transition from relaxing my hair, I had been married to my husband for 8 years. Though I had made up my mind, I wondering how I would explain my decision to my husband. Would he even understand what ‘transitioning’ was? Would he not find me attractive anymore? I know a lot of women who ask themselves the same questions if they have a significant other.
First, let me be clear that explaining your decision is very different than asking for permission to make the decision. I know that most women do not like the idea of having to ask for permission from their mate about something as personal to their bodies as their hair. And the idea that your mate will leave you or not be attracted to you solely because your hairstyle changes is just as upsetting. Shouldn’t he/she support your decision about how you want to wear your hair?
For me, and many like me, it’s not about asking for permission. It’s about involving your significant other in your life. Getting their honest feedback, and considering their thoughts and opinions shows that you trust them. If they support your decision it shows how much they love and trust your decision making.
When I told my husband about my decision, he didn’t really understand completely what was about to happen. But he liked my long hair, and he was honest about that. He really preferred that I not big chop, but after months of unsuccessful transitioning, I had to do what I had to do and big chop. I let him know as I headed home to cut all my hair off, just so he wouldn’t come home and be completely shocked. He was understanding and supportive, and was actually surprised at how much he liked my TWA.
Because we had talked about it, and I had expressed my thoughts on transitioning, he was able to understand why it was important to me. So then it became important to him to support me in anyway he could. If anyone would ask questions about my hair, or seemed as if they weren’t approving of it, he would go into full defense mode. That support made me feel like I was invincible, even if I wasn’t 100% sure about what was going on with my hair.
I think you should definitely explain your decision to big chop or transition with your significant other. They can be your greatest support system during the process!
What do you think about explaining your decision with your significant other?
Oh and if they are not convinced that you still will look gorgeous have them look at ShortNaturalHairstyle.com, were there are thousands of examples of beautiful naturals rocking short cuts (this website is also great if you need further reassurance :-)).
I totally agree with this article Jonna when it talks about us afro-textured hair women involving our significant other in the discussion of big-chopping. As you said many of us think that talking about it means seeking validation or permission, but it is simply just letting our partners know that we value their opinions (even though their opinion shouldn’t be the deciding factor). Great post!
Thank you for your comment 🙂
In 2010 I started my transition to natural hair. I definitely involved my husband in the process from my first thoughts to the transition. Initially he was not 100% on board, but, he actually did my big chop for me. He is now my biggest advocate when it comes to my hair.
Thanks for sharing!
When I made the decision to transition to natural hair, I did discuss it with my partner. He was very supportive and is still supportive. Having a partner that will be understanding as you make a change can give you to motivation to overcome the days that you just hate your hair. Although I didn’t need his approval, it made me feel that much more comfortable with my decision.
Thanks so much for your comment!